40 Days on Anti-Racism: “But what if I say the wrong thing?”

Learning

Have you ever been in an uncomfortable situation? Have you experienced being unclear about how to respond in certain situations?

This level of discomfort can particularly be an issue when it comes to talking about race.

I’ve also noticed that, when discussing race and racism, sometimes people are especially worried about offending other people. At other times, people want to make sure they have “all the facts” about race before diving into a conversation about it.

Glenn Singleton, an American anti-racism educator, speaks about having “courageous conversations” about race and has created a framework for having these conversations. Though a Black man himself, Singleton’s framework is geared toward people who are White who wish to engage in conversations about race. Singleton recognized that many White people who want to talk about race are scared, and he encourages these conversations to take place even in the face of discomfort. I would summarize his framework this way:

1. Stay engaged: Don’t tune out or try to hide when the conversation focuses on race; it’s best to face these conversations head on. Depending on the cultural context, you may choose to use active listening strategies such as nodding, looking directly at the speaker, and, at times, repeating back what you’ve heard.
2. Expect to experience discomfort: Lean into uncomfortable conversations. Studies tell us that when we are slightly uncomfortable, that is the time when our minds and hearts are most open to learning and growing. Keep an open mind to truly listen to others.
3. Speak your truth: Use your own experiences to make connections and recognize when it’s your turn to speak. Be sure to let others speak their truth, too, without projecting your own experiences on them. Many among us have experienced different forms or types of oppressions—but when it comes to conversations about race, it is important for racial privilege to be acknowledged.
4. Expect and accept a lack of closure: Racism will not be solved by this specific conversation. We may need to move away from a conversation to do more reading, thinking, or praying about what we’ve heard. The conversation isn’t over; there may be a necessary pause in order for things to move forward.

Talking about race can be uncomfortable, and while this framework speaks to the discomfort of people who are White, a similar framework can apply to people who are racialized. As racialized peoples, conversations about race often centre on our own direct experiences—these aren’t just anecdotes that we pull out at a party to share casually. Often our stories are mired in pain and may take time to come out. Repeating the harm that may have occurred can be traumatizing, and a degree of trust must be present for us to engage in these conversations. This means that sometimes a conversation may have to be shut down in a particular moment for our own safety to be preserved.

Faith Reflection

Before engaging in a conversation about race, be open about where the conversation might take you. Do you truly have the time and energy to enter into this talk at this time? Could this be the start of a conversation that will need to be taken up again? Is this the right time and place to even have a conversation?

So he said to the paralyzed man, “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.”
(Luke 5:24b, NIV)

In the parable of the paralyzed man—a biblical story fraught with ableist language—Jesus spends much more time talking to the Pharisees about forgiveness of sins than in healing the man. But what he says to the man is profound: Get up, take your mat, and go home. Here’s why I think that’s significant:

• Get up. In the biblical story, presumably, the man has been lying down, unable to move with atrophied muscles, for a long time. Yet Jesus tells him to get up. Jesus has faith that he can get up. For those who may find it difficult to move forward in conversations about race and racism, or who may be worried about saying the wrong thing, Jesus’ advice is clear: Get up—engage in the conversation. If we make a mistake, Jesus also promises us forgiveness. So we can learn and try again. Participating in the activities of the 40 Days of Engagement on Anti-Racism is a great way to engage in conversations about race and racism.
• Take your mat. In the biblical story, the man picked up his mat and left. For us today: Find people with whom you can have the difficult conversations. Talk about race with anyone. If you are White, it is important not just to talk about racism when you are with someone who is Indigenous or racialized. Remember that your racialized friends may be worn out with having the conversation often (and living it!), so particularly if you are White: Intentionally have conversations with other White people. Conversations about racism also don’t necessarily need to be in reaction to an event—these conversations can happen in a variety of circumstances.
• Go home. In the biblical story, the man didn’t stay where he was; he went home. For us today: Read about issues of race. Watch videos or television shows to learn about different racial viewpoints, particularly from people who are on the margins. Recognize that one conversation is just that: one conversation. Pray for healing.

Living It Out

A difficult part about conversations about race is that they can be the start of something much bigger. As a child, I was taught that racism is the individual actions of people who carry hate in their hearts. As an adult, I now recognize that racism is part of something much larger: systems that uphold ideas and institutions of White supremacy. This might be the most uncomfortable part of the courageous conversations—the acknowledgement that structures—including our places of sanctuary—are propping up and sustaining racist practices. It would be so much easier if we could just point to one person’s actions and say, “That’s racist.” It’s much harder to find those places in our everyday lives that reinforce racist and White supremacist ideas. We have to be willing to call out behaviours and structures that continue to uphold racism and be willing to engage in conversations that tear down those structures. Conversations are certainly one way to start.

—Catherine Inglis (she/her) is an educator, union worker, and United Church member. She has worked for many years writing curriculum resources and has published a children's book, White Privilege: Deal with It. Catherine is one of the co-chairs of The United Church of Canada's Anti-Racism Common Table. She identifies as a biracial (Brown/White), cisgender woman and lives in Toronto with her family.

The views contained within these blogs are personal and do not necessarily reflect those of The United Church of Canada.