Rev. Tori Mullin on how truly welcoming youth in ministry begins with opening our hearts to them
When it comes to organizing vibrant ministry with young people, we are often looking for the right activity or program to use. I want to suggest we should begin first with our hearts.
Our posture towards young people colours all that we do, whether we intend it to or not. For better and for worse, it just leaks out of us! Have you ever been helped by someone you could just tell was annoyed with or resented you? As adults, we believe we are better at hiding our feelings and motivations than we truly are.
Now you might say to me, “But, I don’t resent the youth in my church! I love them.” I hear you. However, we have the same “leaky” problem when our attitude towards the young people we serve is paternalistic.
“Oh, they don’t know how good they have it!”
“They’re so immature, we can’t let them organize that.”
“They just don’t care about church/faith/spirituality/God.”
“They’re so self-absorbed.”
Paternalism is when we believe we know better than those actually experiencing something. We make decisions for them without their input or leadership. Paternalism harms relationships, it undermines the confidence of young people, and means we miss important opportunities to identify and strengthen their God-given gifts.
In 2024 I wrote a blog post about what I had heard from young people at the Audacious Hope event in Brockville. The responses from adults across our church were incredibly discouraging and echoed those listed above. If, when young people are sharing their experience of being ignored, or outright rejected, by the church and we respond with resentment and paternalism, how can we expect young people to find belonging among us?
Young people across this country, across this United Church of ours, are profoundly hungry for connection and deep spirituality. Yet, all too often, this is not what they find in our communities of faith. The following quotes come from Here I Am!, a 2019 survey of youth across the United Church:
“People my age are less interested in meetings, and will participate in ‘justice issues’ individually, but really need to have an experience of God.”
“What I seek now is opportunities to have my voice heard [at] individual meetings and board meetings, not just at big events [….] where we hear the collective opinion of most youth gathered.”
“It's frustrating to see that life-changing and [awe-inspiring] moments that happen collectively in young [people’s] lives happens so sporadically [at camp, annual events… etc.]. We need to focus on making these moments happen in small, but still impactful ways constantly in church spaces.”
“I hear about killings in [Toronto] on the news, I see homeless people when I visit downtown with my family. How is my church helping with this? I need more hands-on church.”
We believe in a God who is constantly creating and recreating, us included. It is never too late to change the posture of our hearts.
In its Growing Young resource, the Fuller Institute distills great ministry with young people down to six approaches:
- Empowering young people as leaders
- Empathy for the joys and challenges of the youth you're serving
- Focusing on helping young people develop a rich spiritual life, not teaching them answers
- Focusing on warm peer and intergenerational friendships instead of programs
- Looking for creative ways to tangibly support, resource, and involve youth in all parts of your church life
- Helping young people learn to be good neighbours in the world
You don't need a youth group to have this type of approach as a church. This posture is all about fostering belonging for young people in your community of faith. It is an invitation to recognize young people’s full membership in this messy, beautiful family of God we call home.
Two great examples of this type of posture are in Kingston, Ontario and Guelph, Ontario. Rev. Erin Burns runs Faith and Spiritual Life, the interfaith chaplaincy at Queen's University. She noted many of her young adults were lonely, hungry, and feeling disconnected. In response, she runs “Cooking with Grandmas” groups in partnership with local churches, and it is one of their office's most popular events! Dublin Street United in Guelph is hosting an event this month for caregivers of teens called "Loving Teenagers Well", a weekly discussion group using a resource by Kate Bowler.
If you are interested in exploring ways you can foster a posture like the one described by the Fuller Institute, I encourage you to contact your regional support person for First Third Ministry (find your regional council), or talk to your area Growth Animator at growth@united-church.ca.
—Rev. Tori Mullin is Growth Animator for Eastern Ontario and Quebec
The views contained within these blogs are personal and do not necessarily reflect those of The United Church of Canada.